and perhaps that should have prepared us for the fact that this film has one great sequence.) That said, I remember quite enjoying A History of Violence, which is the Cronenberg-Viggo Mortensen collaboration that precedes this one, and this one got almost universally good reviews at the time, so when I saw it on a list of "best films currently streaming on Max" (HBO as was) I picked our viewing for the night. Well, now Jami is so mad at me that I may no longer be allowed to pick our Thursday night films. Phrases such as "the worst film I've ever seen," and "the worst acting I've ever seen," and "worse than Cabin Boy," and "was this a Lifetime Movie?" were thrown around. And while I believe those to be hyperbole, I have to admit that this film suffers from very poor writing and laughable cliches. The film begins with two moments of violence. A Russian man is killed by a Turkish barber in a London barbershop (by having his throat cut, graphic violence being Cronenberg's thing). A young, heavily pregnant Russian woman goes into a London chemist, drops a pool of blood on the floor and passes out. She is rushed to hospital, where we meet our heroine (Naomi Watts doing a creditable English accent, but given perhaps the worst writing of the whole film) who is a midwife who delivers a healthy baby girl, but alas the young woman (whose arms are covered with track marks) dies. Found on her person is a diary, written entirely in Russian, that Watts' Anna, whose dead father was Russian but cannot herself speak the language, takes home (violating all sorts of laws and moral codes, no doubt) so her uncle (who is played by the film writer (Roman Polanski's first film, Knife in the Water)/director (the Jeremy Irons film Moonlighting and recent sad donkey film Eo) Jerzy Skolimowsky) can translate it. He initially refuses to (out of a concern for the privacy of the dead), so next day she goes to the address that is on a card tucked in the diary, which turns out to be a fancy club/restaurant, owned by what she takes to be a kindly old Russian man called Semyon (played very well by Armin Mueller-Stahl (not Russian - in this film Russians get played by Americans, Germans, French, English, Poles and Czechs - presumably no Russians wanted to take part given the unsavory picture of Russians presented)) who gives her amazing Borscht "just like my father used to make". Of course it's immediately obvious that he's the criminal mastermind who, it transpires, was the father by rape of the baby she delivered (only because his hapless son was unable to do it, being "queer" - this film presents Russians both evil and sympathetic as crude racists and homophobes). She is smart enough not to hand over the diary when he offers to translate it, or tell him her address, but not so smart that she doesn't make an appointment to come back the next day. This is where we also meet Viggo Mortensen's chauffeur Nikolai, who is the right hand man of the aforementioned son, Kirill (played by French star Vincent Cassell, who is certainly not afraid to ham it up).
Of course the Russians are running a prostitution/human trafficking ring, but while Nikolai clearly has deadly talents, and is adept at snipping off the fingers of corpses so they can't be tracked, he is also kindly and gets one of the prostitutes a route out of sexual slavery. It turns out [major spoiler] that he is an FSB agent (this film would not have that plot today!) infiltrating the crime family, with contacts at the "Russian desk" of Scotland Yard (it is not clear if the contact is also FSB or is just willing to cooperate with them). Even though this would be reason to have him killed by Semyon if found out, Semyon in fact sets him up to be killed (after doing the Russian Mob equivalent of making him a "made man" - this involves getting stars tattooed on your chest and knees)
as a substitute for his own son. Turns out the man killed at the beginning was killed at the behest of Kirill, who was trying to branch out on his own, but this man was Chechen and had brothers, who are now out to kill Kirill, but don't know what he looks like. So Semyon arranges to have Nikolai meet with the Turkish barber who carried out Kirill's wishes at the start in a Finchley bathhouse. And THIS is the most famous scene in the movie - Viggo Mortensen, completely naked, fighting two fully clothed attackers with nasty knives. And it is indeed bravura, but you don't have to watch the whole film to see it, just watch it on YouTube (but don't do it if you're squeamish). Anyway, there are parts of this film that are great: quotidian moments where large groups of Russians celebrate over a meal, for example) and you certainly can't knock the cast, and Mortensen's performance is impeccable (his fake Russian accent is probably the best of the bunch) but some moments are positively cringe, and perhaps worst are the moments most intended to tug on our heart strings (like the voiceover by the dead girl (who can speak English in death if not in life) reading excerpts from her diary (a laughable passage about her dad dying in the mine in her godforsaken home town and being buried by Russia is read twice). (If you want the same topic given a really effectively depressing treatment, then I understand you should try Lilya 4-Ever, but I'm not going to.) And there are any number of stupid plot points - why did Semyon not get an abortion for the young mother? And how did she keep the diary hidden? And really, Anna almost deserves to get bumped off for the number of stupid decisions she makes. But she doesn't, and of course she gets to keep the baby (her past miscarriage is referenced) whom she calls "Christine" because it was Christmas day ("Carol" was right there!), while Nikolai ascends to replace Semyon... at the top of a human trafficking operation!
Um, are we supposed to assume he will destroy it from within? Anyway, Cronenberg should look for another 50s monster movie to remake - my vote's for Them!
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