Film review: Caught Stealing (2025)

This is one of those movies that would have been a hit in another age, but isn't a sequel or a superhero movie, so died a death at the box office.  It's set in probably the last year it would have been guaranteed to succeed, 1998, when mid-size crime movies with tightly-written plots and good dialogue (and a lot of violence) were commonly bankable.  It's even got a proven director (Darren Aronofsky, for whom this is an uncharacteristically straightforward, mainstream(ish) film) and is packed with recognizable actors, including its star, the blue-eyed cornfed Austin Butler, 

fairly fresh off playing Elvis.  Think of something like Marathon Man for comparison, although this one (despite all of the death, often to likeable characters who don't deserve it) has a lot more humor thrown in.  Perhaps that's what did for it - I remember they accented the humor in the trailer, and when people found it was more of a serious crime drama, featuring a protagonist with a tortured past, they felt cheated.  Or maybe it's the lack of spandex - who knows?

Anyway, it's based on a book and adapted by the author, which explains the almost-too-well-oiled plot (it's not in the least shaggy - there are no throwaway details) which, to me, anyway, makes it a little artificial.  Nonetheless, it's seamlessly executed and never boring, and all the actors are doing a great job, so if it was the movie of the night and you only had one channel, you would feel very satisfied.

Butler plays Hank, who is from a small town near San Francisco (which explains his obsession with the San Francisco Giants, which is a running subplot), where he was a high-school baseball star, expected to be drafted in the first round, except he crashed his car, killing his best friend (who was in the back, without a seatbelt, and consequently flew out the windshield and squished his head - I recognized the friend as one of the four Reservation Dogs - which means he's probably a lot younger than Butler, who is playing the younger version of himself in flashback) and (more importantly to him at the time) he destroyed his knee, thus ending his baseball dreams.  Now he lives in a supposedly shitty part of NY (but his apartment is large and looks pretty nice) and tends bar at Paul's Bar, where the owner is an ageing hippie, who is fond of him.  He's also a functional alcoholic, who drinks beer for breakfast.

Anyway, his girlfriend (played by Lisa Bonet's kid), 

with whom he has believably amiable banter, picks him up after work, and they are heading back to his place for a quickie, when they find his no-good friend Russ (Matt "Eleventh Doctor" Smith, with a cockernee geezer accent and an over-the-top (think street punk in every 80's movie) punk outfit, complete with Mohawk/Mohican) 

waiting to drop off his cat for Hank to take care of, because his father has had a stroke and he has to rush to London to be with him.  The cat ("Buddy") 

hates everyone but Hank, despite the fact that Hank is a dog person.  The girlfriend persuades him that he should keep Buddy in his apartment (Russ's is next door) and moves the litter box in.  (As I said, all details matter.) 

Pretty soon, however, things take a turn.  He catches two Russians (both bald and scary-looking, one very large, the other much smaller (but crazier) with a large wine-red face birthmark and whom the other calls "Microbe") trying to break into Russ's apartment and they kick the shit out of him until the neighbor across the hall 

(who already complained about the noise when Russ was there and when accused of being a yuppie banker, plaintively retorted "I build websites!" (still novel in 1998) peeks out and Hank yells at him to call the cops.  Then they leave and he finds that he's lying in a pool of blood and piss and says "that's not good" and passes out.  We then get the first of the flashbacks to his car crash and he wakes up with a start as the car crashes in his dream, to find himself in hospital, having had to have one of his kidneys removed.  I found that him being so vulnerable (later on the same nasties torture him by ripping out the staples closing his wound) made me anxious.

Anyway, cops come to investigate, including a sympathetic (if brusque) older black cop played by Regina King, 

who says that the people who attacked him aren't that dangerous, but they're connected with two "scary monsters" (showing him a picture of two large Hasidic Jews - who later turn out to be played by Vincent D'Onofrio and Liev Schreiber (whom I always confuse with each other)) whom he must avoid at all costs, because they like to cut people's eyes out.

Rather disgustingly, her co-officer takes a dump in his toilet and plugs it, and when he's plunging it after they've gone, he notices that the litter box has a particularly giant turd in it (very scatological, this scene) which, upon closer inspection, reveals itself to be fake, and to contain a key.  Then he hears banging next door and sees the scary monsters trying to break into Russ's apartment.

Then I get a bit muddled (I watched this a couple of nights ago) but he's threatened on the phone by the Russians - or rather, their Hispanic boss played by Bad Bunny 

- and they reveal that they know about his girlfriend ("the chica in Chinatown") with whom he has since argued with (he got drunk after going to Paul's Bar to ask him (who I only now realize was played by an unrecognizable Griffin Dunne, 

in what is almost certainly a nod to After Hours) to stash the key for him, after she told him he couldn't drink any more because of the kidney thing) and made up (she glued his wound after the staples were pulled out), and he goes over there...

Okay, I don't want to give too much away, but other scenes involve a shootout at Paul's Bar, the return of Russ, an exhibition of Hank's batting skills, some nifty driving, a hideout in a storage unit, a trip to what looks like Coney Island beach, a visit with Jewish gangsters

to their bubbe (played by Carol Kane), 

(whose presence might be a nod to another great 70s film, The Last Detail), the utter destruction of a nightclub owned by a Russian mobster, and several calls home to his mother, who was his baseball coach and to whom he is devoted (and whom we only hear over the phone until the end of the movie when her face is revealed).  Lots of period pre-9/11 New York color (Giuliani gets a mention).

Anyway, it's a love-letter to the gritty 70s crime dramas, and the neo-noirs of the 90s (think The Grifters, LA Confidential), which is probably why it flopped.  But also why you should see it.  Don't worry, the two loves of Hank's life (one that's been in it forever, one whom he never thought he'd come to love) come out of it intact.  Too bad about those Giants, though. 

Pics O'the past week

Jami was away for a while so Frederick and I went on walks farther afield to kill time.  As you can see, the Fall colors (transl.: Autumn colours) are in full effect.  Today it was in the EIGHTIES though, so they're suddenly crisping up and I don't think this will be one of the best years.

Film review: Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person (2023)

Yes, this is a real film, and actually a very enjoyable one.  I thought it was French, but it's actually French Canadian - I don't know if that makes a difference.  Think of it somewhere between What We Do In The Shadows and Let The Right One In, although considerably closer to the former, albeit surprisingly sincere in places.  The title says it all, really.  We first meet Sasha at a childhood birthday party, 

getting an electronic keyboard (so this must be at least the 80s?) that she surprises her relatives (parents, aunt, slightly older-and-wiser cousin Denise) by being able to play.  Then there's a knock on the door and the aunt reveals that she's ordered an extra present, which turns out to be a clown, whom Sasha is ecstatic to see, rushing out and hugging him.  However, his act fails to amuse the rest of the family, and he slowly becomes more nervous, but then promises them a magic trick if he can first climb inside his trunk...  And at this point the family reveals that they plan to (as they put it) eat him, and we see an appalled Sasha's little face as the clown's pitiful screams are heard...  The family is worried at her soft-heartedness and takes her to a neurologist (apparently there's a secret parallel vampire world, with vampire neurologists - none of this is explained, which is fine) who reports that instead of human suffering making her excited, it triggers pity.  Flash forward to now, and the about-18-looking Sasha is seen playing her keyboard for money outside of a convenience store.  (We will later find out that it is 40 years later and she is actually in her sixties, as vampires "age very slowly" (they don't freeze, as in Let The Right One In).  Nonetheless, she certainly acts like a teen, still lives with her parents, who are getting heartily fed up with her refusing to hunt or fend for herself (well, her mother is - her father is almost as soft-hearted and wants to protect her).  As her set finishes and people drift off, she spots somebody (a boy her (apparent) age) standing on a roof opposite, looking down.  As she watches, another youth comes up and sighs and tells him to come down because the brats are overrunning the place, and he meekly complies.  He is Paul, a depressed high-schooler, bullied by classmates like Henry, his co-worker at the local bowling alley.  And you can see where this is headed.  I won't give too much away, because it's a slight film but very enjoyable.  Besides the two I've mentioned, it also reminds one a bit of Harold and Maude (and not just because Paul is suicidal) and A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night (there's even a scene where the two of them slowly groove to a record in Sasha's room).

Some important scenes: Sasha gets her fangs 

but still refuses to hunt, so the family has an intervention 

and she's sent to live with Denise to teach her to hunt.  Denise's pad looks like a sex dungeon, with chains and hooks, and indeed, that's what the hitchhikers she brings home are supposed to think, but we know better.  Denise also accidentally "turns" a loser who won't shut up about his hot tub (and who still lives with his father), who is definitely the most WWDitS-type character. Trigger warning: a bat dies in this film (not really - it's clearly fake) and is later hurled at a teacher.  Apparently in this universe lights flicker when a vampire is aroused by bloodlust.

Everybody in the film is good, but the definite standout is Sara Montpetit as Sasha.  Pale, dark-haired and dark-eyed, she looks like a vampire, and has huge sad eyes and pale hands that are always wandering, slightly beyond her control.  She's also a great physical comedian, which sort of goes with her Buster Keaton-esque mien.  Denise (Noémie O'Farrell) is also great fun, proving that redheads can also be vampires.  And the solution Sasha and Paul come up with for their dilemma is surprisingly, well, humane.  Check it out - I watched it for free on Kanopy.

Film review: Send Help (2026)

We're huge Sam Raimi fans from way back, but were a little disappointed by his last foray into original horror, Drag Me To Hell, because it was rather mean-spirited, in that (spoiler) the protagonist didn't really deserve the titular fate.  Well, good news, because this one was great fun and nobody gets a fate they don't deserve.  The other good thing is that it's a stretch to call it "horror," which is good because I can't really handle truly horrific stuff these days, reality being what it is.  Briefly, the idea is that mousy Linda Liddle 

(Rachel McAdams - you know, one of the most beautiful actresses of the past twenty years, dowdified almost convincingly at first - and McAdams's vanity-less commitment to the role really helps) who is a vital cog in a corporation (working in planning and strategy) whose older boss has promised her a promotion to reward her, but then hands the business on to his asshole son, Bradley (the other lead role in what is essentially a two-hander, and very well done by Dylan O'Brien) who instead promotes his frat-buddy who has been taking credit for Linda's work.  But they realize they still need her to finish up work on an appendix to a plan for corporate takeover, so Bradley leads her on and says she has a chance to prove to him that she deserves the promotion (he has no intention of giving her).  This means taking her on the private jet to Thailand, in the course of which the frat buddy shows Bradley Linda's cringeworthy Survivor audition tape, driving Linda to tears.  

But fear not, that's where the plane's engine catches fire and the assholes meet a satisfyingly nasty end (and we see the first glimpse of Linda's ruthless edge, as well as the trademark Raimi black humor.  Then begins the bulk of the movie, which is Linda and Bradley together marooned on a tropical island, he hobbled at first, and needing to be humbled, as Linda's Survivor skills come to the fore.  (Turns out she finds she liked boar hunting - a good opportunity for the kind of arterial spray and eyeball-related gore that Raimi fans will recognize.)

For a while there, it looks like this might turn into a romantic comedy, 

before a few nasty twists shift it in different directions.  Verdict: a whole lot of fun, with two excellent leads, and a beautiful sun-drenched setting, with none of the dread that puts me off modern horror.  I hope this will open up a new chapter in McAdams' career: from Mean Girl to Mean Middle-Aged Woman. 

Pics o' the week