Saturday, October 10, 2026

Film review: Humanist Vampire Seeking Consenting Suicidal Person (2023)


Yes, this is a real film, and actually a very enjoyable one.  I thought it was French, but it's actually French Canadian - I don't know if that makes a difference.  Think of it somewhere between What We Do In The Shadows and Let The Right One In, although considerably closer to the former, albeit surprisingly sincere in places.  The title says it all, really.  We first meet Sasha at a childhood birthday party, 


getting an electronic keyboard (so this must be at least the 80s?) that she surprises her relatives (parents, aunt, slightly older-and-wiser cousin Denise) by being able to play.  Then there's a knock on the door and the aunt reveals that she's ordered an extra present, which turns out to be a clown, whom Sasha is ecstatic to see, rushing out and hugging him.  However, his act fails to amuse the rest of the family, and he slowly becomes more nervous, but then promises them a magic trick if he can first climb inside his trunk...  And at this point the family reveals that they plan to (as they put it) eat him, and we see an appalled Sasha's little face as the clown's pitiful screams are heard...  The family is worried at her soft-heartedness and takes her to a neurologist (apparently there's a secret parallel vampire world, with vampire neurologists - none of this is explained, which is fine) who reports that instead of human suffering making her excited, it triggers pity.  Flash forward to now, and the about-18-looking Sasha is seen playing her keyboard for money outside of a convenience store.  (We will later find out that it is 40 years later and she is actually in her sixties, as vampires "age very slowly" (they don't freeze, as in Let The Right One In).  Nonetheless, she certainly acts like a teen, still lives with her parents, who are getting heartily fed up with her refusing to hunt or fend for herself (well, her mother is - her father is almost as soft-hearted and wants to protect her).  As her set finishes and people drift off, she spots somebody (a boy her (apparent) age) standing on a roof opposite, looking down.  As she watches, another youth comes up and sighs and tells him to come down because the brats are overrunning the place, and he meekly complies.  He is Paul, a depressed high-schooler, bullied by classmates like Henry, his co-worker at the local bowling alley.  And you can see where this is headed.  I won't give too much away, because it's a slight film but very enjoyable.  Besides the two I've mentioned, it also reminds one a bit of Harold and Maude (and not just because Paul is suicidal) and A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night (there's even a scene where the two of them slowly groove to a record in Sasha's room).


Some important scenes: Sasha gets her fangs 


but still refuses to hunt, so the family has an intervention 


and she's sent to live with Denise to teach her to hunt.  Denise's pad looks like a sex dungeon, with chains and hooks, and indeed, that's what the hitchhikers she brings home are supposed to think, but we know better.  Denise also accidentally "turns" a loser who won't shut up about his hot tub (and who still lives with his father), who is definitely the most WWDitS-type character. Trigger warning: a bat dies in this film (not really - it's clearly fake) and is later hurled at a teacher.  Apparently in this universe lights flicker when a vampire is aroused by bloodlust.

Everybody in the film is good, but the definite standout is Sara Montpetit as Sasha.  Pale, dark-haired and dark-eyed, she looks like a vampire, and has huge sad eyes and pale hands that are always wandering, slightly beyond her control.  She's also a great physical comedian, which sort of goes with her Buster Keaton-esque mien.  Denise (NoĆ©mie O'Farrell) is also great fun, proving that redheads can also be vampires.  And the solution Sasha and Paul come up with for their dilemma is surprisingly, well, humane.  Check it out - I watched it for free on Kanopy.

Friday, October 9, 2026

Film review: Send Help (2026)


We're huge Sam Raimi fans from way back, but were a little disappointed by his last foray into original horror, Drag Me To Hell, because it was rather mean-spirited, in that (spoiler) the protagonist didn't really deserve the titular fate.  Well, good news, because this one was great fun and nobody gets a fate they don't deserve.  The other good thing is that it's a stretch to call it "horror," which is good because I can't really handle truly horrific stuff these days, reality being what it is.  Briefly, the idea is that mousy Linda Liddle 


(Rachel McAdams - you know, one of the most beautiful actresses of the past twenty years, dowdified almost convincingly at first - and McAdams's vanity-less commitment to the role really helps) who is a vital cog in a corporation (working in planning and strategy) whose older boss has promised her a promotion to reward her, but then hands the business on to his asshole son, Bradley (the other lead role in what is essentially a two-hander, and very well done by Dylan O'Brien) who instead promotes his frat-buddy who has been taking credit for Linda's work.  But they realize they still need her to finish up work on an appendix to a plan for corporate takeover, so Bradley leads her on and says she has a chance to prove to him that she deserves the promotion (he has no intention of giving her).  This means taking her on the private jet to Thailand, in the course of which the frat buddy shows Bradley Linda's cringeworthy Survivor audition tape, driving Linda to tears.  


But fear not, that's where the plane's engine catches fire and the assholes meet a satisfyingly nasty end (and we see the first glimpse of Linda's ruthless edge, as well as the trademark Raimi black humor.  Then begins the bulk of the movie, which is Linda and Bradley together marooned on a tropical island, he hobbled at first, and needing to be humbled, as Linda's Survivor skills come to the fore.  (Turns out she finds she liked boar hunting - a good opportunity for the kind of arterial spray and eyeball-related gore that Raimi fans will recognize.)


For a while there, it looks like this might turn into a romantic comedy, 


before a few nasty twists shift it in different directions.  Verdict: a whole lot of fun, with two excellent leads, and a beautiful sun-drenched setting, with none of the dread that puts me off modern horror.  I hope this will open up a new chapter in McAdams' career: from Mean Girl to Mean Middle-Aged Woman. 

Saturday, October 3, 2026

Pics o' the week

Wednesday, September 30, 2026

Roller Coaster by Michael Gilbert

 

I'm not sure why this is called Roller-Coaster.  (My edition of the book does not have a hyphen in the title.)  At one point, Petrella (we've encountered him before) muses to himself about the image of two rollercoasters on the same track, headed straight at each other, and neither able to get off the track.  A crash is inevitable.  So, I guess, we are supposed to imagine that the various events and groups of people he is investigating are all going to "come together" and "crash", but I'm not sure that that is how it all resolved itself. Anyway...

This book was published in 1993 and feels far more modern than many of the other books I've read--in a word, seedy.  It starts with a group of young teen boys going on a school trip to Amsterdam (sort of like if a group of kids here were taken to Tijuana for a a weekend bender...) and several sneak out late one night to get taken by a slimy individual to the Red District who gets them drunk and has them engage with prostitutes (it's left to our imagination what, exactly, a bunch of 12 year olds can do after many, many pints of beer) and filmed/photographed.  Those photographs end up being smuggled into London and sold to various "subscribers." The scam is that men sign up for a "video of the month" sort of thing and once they get a few, the blackmailing begins.  

Also figuring in this book is a dirty cop who was an English soldier assigned to police Northern Ireland but he did something awful there and was relocated to the poorest part of London, which is home to a large "West Indie" population. Also we have three boys who think they are cleverer than they are and they hide out in tiny crevices in abandoned dock building, spying on various gangs who use those old building to receive and ship out stolen goods and illicit stuff (like child porn), as well as punish gang members who disappoint the leaders in various ways.  One event concerns an undercover cop who was tortured to death because a different dirty cop gave him away to the gang leaders.  As I said, it has some real nasty stuff in it.

Patrick Patrella is older now: last time I saw him he was a detective, married, had a 4 year old son (Donald) and his wife had just had a miscarriage because of traumas caused by various criminals.  Now, Patrella is a superintendent (not THE superintendent--apparently there are many) of the Q Division.  He spends his time trying to dig through the papers in his inbox and trying to make sense of the various bad things happening in his area of concern. At home, Donald is not about 8 and they have a young baby girl who fusses if she isn't the center of attention.

Of course, he figures it all out in the end and, I guess, the various threads do weave together.  And, not surprisingly, the last paragraph of the book has him decide he is going to quit the force, retire early, and go live with his father in Morocco. This is the 5th or 6th time he's made such decisions to my knowledge (and there are many other books featuring him that I haven't gotten to yet). So the question is: can he stay away this time or will another promotion lure him back?

Monday, September 28, 2026

Film review: The Magnetic Monster (1953)

 

This popped up on Prime Video after we watched Invaders from Mars and Jami was hooked just from the name.  It's an odd little number: it's well-written and solidly acted (although I didn't recognize a single actor) but the threat isn't really a monster.  It's a chunk of radioactive matter that "feeds" every ten hours, and if you don't bombard it with energy, it sucks in everything around it in an implosion while magnetizing everything.  They talk of it as if it's alive, and spin a convincing story of it threatening the Earth very soon (it could throw the Earth out of its orbit), but "monster" is definitely just PR.  Lots of fairly plausible-sounding scientific mumbo-jumbo (our heroes work for an organization called "OSI - Office of Scientific Investigations" (apparently there are two more films about OSI)) and spend a lot of time squinting into various scopes.


It would make a good episode of some TV show, and indeed, Dr. Who could have run with it, maybe in the Pertwee era, but there's just not all that much tension.  They try to throw some in by the main character, a (convincingly) uxorious scientist worrying about his 4-month pregnant wife because she's too skinny.  (He tries to get her to feed up on pancakes and bacon!)  So we are led to worry that maybe there's something wrong with her, and it's something to do with the radiation.  Nope, she's fine - total red herring.  Then the only solution they can come up with is to bombard the thing with so much energy that it "chokes" on it, and the only place with (potentially) enough energy is in Nova Scotia, so they have to fly there on fancy military jets, and we get shots of them refueling in mid-air.  Then they try to throw in tension by having the Canadian (but sounds English) head scientist butt heads with our hero (in their power center deep below the sea, for cooling purposes) and almost sabotage the attempt because he can't bare to see his life's work explode.  Well, it does and it takes him with it, but it was all worthwhile.  Was it worth watching?  I'd say it would have been perfect for a wet Sunday afternoon back when there were only three channels on the telly, and we still had a black and white TV.


(Oh, the director is Curt Siodmak.  I thought that he was one of the top Noir directors, responsible for The Killers and Criss Cross, but that was his older brother Robert.  They're both credited as directors on the classic German film People on Sunday, which also featured Billy Wilder and Edgar Ulmer as writers/directors.  Bit of film trivia for you.)  Oh, and I was surprised how comparatively small the cars were.  Apparently my image of huge 50s boat-like cars dates from the late 50s at the earliest.  These cars looked positively European.

Saturday, September 26, 2026

Film review: The Curse of Frankenstein (1957)


See, now this HAS a "the" - why did Hammer lose it between 1957 and 8?  Anyway, this is the very first of the Hammer re-creations of classic Universal films, and as with Horror of Dracula, it changes the original in very interesting ways.  Also like Horror, the star is unquestionably Cushing, who in this one is really stretching his acting chops to play somebody who veers easily from civility to crazed venality.  (Did he ever do Jekyll/Hyde?  For him it would have been Van Helsing/Frankenstein.)  In fact, what really sets these early Hammers apart is how good the acting is in general, and in particular Cushing and Lee.  Again, Lee has very little screen time, and in this case absolutely zero lines (it follows the first film and departs from the book in having the Creature be non-verbal), but once again you are struck by how important non-verbal acting can be.  Just as Lee creates an entirely distinctive version of Dracula, miles from Lugosi's somewhat campy original, but also genuinely terrifying when in full bloodlust, his Creature is a sui generis and fully-realized creation.  Yes, he staggers and lurches (no groaning, though, and somehow his utter silence (except for a death scream) is more chilling) but he is never cartoonish.  In many ways he's a lot more like a modern Romero-esque shuffling zombie, only towering and with a baleful stare (with one milky eye, 


which, knowing the limitations of 50s contact-lenses, must have made him glad only to be on screen for short bursts). 

The film is bookended with Victor Frankenstein in prison, awaiting execution for... something.  He seems deranged, but welcomes a priest just as an audience to whom to tell his story.  


"It all started when I was a precocious schoolboy..." Cue Melvyn "It Ain't Half Hot Mum" Hayes (although he is unrecognizable, and sounds, as Jami pointed out, just like Davy Jones of the Monkees) as young Victor, at the funeral of his mother, which leaves him orphaned.  His aunt Sophie is very worried about something, but Victor reassures her that he knew about his mother supporting her and will continue to do so.  Sophie is effusive and makes suggestive comments about future entanglements with her now very young daughter Elizabeth.  Victor, however, impatiently hustles everybody out of the house because he only wants to get going with his studies.  To that end, and because his teacher is stupid, he hires a live-in personal tutor, Paul Krempe (the very familiar-looking (perhaps from Restless Natives) Robert Urquhart).  They get on famously through the montage that jars rather when Melvyn Hayes, clearly younger than Urquhart, is suddenly replaced with Cushing, who, despite the best efforts of the makeup department, looks significantly older than him.  All is well, as they progress to reviving a dead puppy, and Krempe is keen to take their findings to a scientific society and become famous.  Victor is having none of it, as he has his sights already set on, you guessed it, human subjects.  Krempe is immediately less than enthusiastic, but still goes along as they collect corpses (the first of which they retrieve from the gibbet, and it has a "partially eaten-away" head that Krempe is disgusted to watch Frankenstein casually hack off and dissolve in a vat of acid (a Chekhov's vat of acid).  In fact, Urquhart gets to do every iteration of his appalled-and-alarmed face throughout the film, the facility in the making of which was presumably his reason for being cast.


Krempe is fretting about this while Victor is off somewhere getting body parts (they turn out to be the hands of a sculptor) when somebody arrives to live with them, to the shock of Paul and the maid, Justine - it is the now-grown Elizabeth (who is something of a weak link in the film: Hazel Court is neither a good actress or the later-typical Hammer babe, cast for other assets).  She has been communicating with Victor (especially since Aunt Sophie recently died) but knows him so little she confuses Paul with him at first.  However, Victor does not bat an eye when he returns, more excited to show Paul the hands.  Paul refuses to help him sew them on, however, and in the first of many sulks, Victor tells Paul that he'll have to dine with Elizabeth without him.  Paul clearly becomes besotted with Elizabeth, who only has eyes (albeit out of a sense of gratitude for the role he played in supporting her financially) for Victor, who has asked her to marry him.  This is news to Justine, whom Victor, in the first sign of his more base nature, is seen snogging with in a passage.  (They've done more than snogging, as emerges later when Justine accuses Victor of being responsible for her pregnancy.  How did this film get released in 50s America?) 

Anyway, things progress to the point that the almost-complete human needs a brain, and Victor asserts that he needs a genius one.  Immediate cut to Victor entertaining an elderly professor, whom he toasts as being "one of the great brains of Europe."  As you might imagine, the old man makes it up the stairs after the meal, but then very rapidly descends (on to his head, which seems suboptimal) because of "faulty" banisters.  Paul is out of the house but when he returns is immediately on to Victor, and when, after the funeral, he catches Victor carrying the old man's brain, they wrestle, and the jar the brain is in is broken, which elicits a howl of rage and indignation from Victor that is enough to drive Paul away. 

After Victor has carefully picked pieces of broken glass out of the grey matter, we cut forward to the fully-assembled creature in a vat of liquid (meant to stand in for amniotic fluid? seems a risky combination with all the electricity, but certainly differentiates it from the original film) all wrapped in bandages, as Victor attempts to animate him.  However, he can't manage the equipment by himself and goes to Paul (still living in his house!) to ask for his help.  Meanwhile we see that his attempt has in fact succeeded - the fluid drains away and the creature begins to breathe.  As Victor is arguing with Paul we hear a crash and Victor runs to find the creature standing upright and removing the bandages from its eyes.  And what a sight its face is - Jami didn't even recognize it as Christopher Lee, what with the pasty makeup, scars and milky eye.  Turns out his brain is abby-normal and his first act is to strangle his creator.  


Or at least, choke him until Paul comes up and clocks him with a chair.

After that, things start to move fast.  The creature gets out and roams around the woods 


where the scenes in the original where he meets a child and an old blind man are combined, in that an old blind man and his grandson are out gathering some kind of edible when the monster happens upon the old man.  The monster doesn't immediately attack, and things might have been okay but the old man gets spooked and whaps him with his walking stick.  Bad mistake.  Thereafter things go poorly for the man and (shockingly - apparently the 50s was harsher on children than thereafter) the child, when he comes to investigate (although we never see him killed, we just see his satchel in the dirt later).  Victor and Paul find the monster in the woods and while Victor wants to try to reason with him, Paul just shoots him in the head.  They bury him and Paul can now move away, as he was only staying to protect Elizabeth, who knows nothing of the experiments (and is never allowed in the upstairs lab).

But of course, Victor digs him up and (somehow!) gets him back to the lab, where he does brain surgery.  Meanwhile we get a confrontation between Victor and Justine 


where she claims to know what's going on, announces she's pregnant and threatens to reveal all to Elizabeth.  Victor calls her bluff and tells her to be gone in the morning.  However, at night she waits outside his lab until he leaves and sneaks in.  She finds the inner room where the monster is kept and goes inside... 


and is locked there by Victor, as the monster closes in...  Problem solved!

Victor and Elizabeth finally wed, and Paul is invited to the wedding.  When he arrives, late, Victor proudly shows him that the monster obeys commands.  


(Here Lee's physical movements are fantastic - it's like a badly strung puppet.)  Nonetheless Paul is disgusted and runs out to get the police.  Victor chases after him, and Elizabeth, long fed up with being kept in the dark, goes to investigate.  


Meanwhile the monster has pulled out his chains and made for the roof, where Paul spots him as he and Victor tussle on the street.  Elizabeth goes on the roof to investigate, and, when Victor runs up with a gun, everything ends with the monster crashing through the skylight that happens to be right above that acid bath...

And then we're back to the prison cell we began with.  It turns out that Victor has been charged with the killings of the three victims (spoiler, although Victor seemingly shoots her in the shoulder by accident, Elizabeth has recovered, and Paul has swooped in) and nobody believes him that it was a monster that he created that has been entirely dissolved.  Will Paul reveal the truth to one and all and save Victor from the gallows?  Will he buggery.

Is this as good as the classic Colin Clive/Boris Karloff James Whale film?  Of course not.  But is it the best of the rest?  Almost certainly, and the changes are enough to make it its own thing, which is genuinely exciting and a well-made thrilling (although cozy) film, with great performances from its leads, and excellent sets and atmosphere.  The monster is definitely no pale shadow of the Karloff version, and Lee imbues it with real menace (and a little of the Karloff pathos, but mostly menace).  No tortured "why was I created?" musing here, or even groans, just silent and deadly.  So in a way, it's been stripped of all its philosophical trappings and is just about a crazy person driven to make life because he can, not because he should.  Hey it's Jurassic Park!  No it's Sam Altman! 

Friday, September 25, 2026

Film review: Invaders from Mars (1953)

This apparently made a great impact on the directors who came to fame in the 70s and 80s, and indeed one of them (Tobe "Texas Chainsaw" Hooper) did a remake in the 80s that sank like a stone, although I have an abiding memory of seeing it on the sign outside the Exeter cinema), so in the spirit of Cozy Horror I thought we'd check it out.  Overview: parts of it dragged, and it seems to have been made very much on the cheap (there's a lot of military stuff going on that appears to be complete stock footage, and none of the rooms people are in are furnished beyond a chair and a table), it genuinely holds you in its grip for most of its run time, and you care about the main characters, despite one of them being a child actor of not the highest echelon (who apparently appears in the remake having not acted in decades).  If you step back and think about it for even a second, it's a pretty blatant piece of Cold War propaganda, but they say that about Invasion of the Body Snatchers (with which this has close parallels) and that has never affected my enjoyment of that movie.

The film is unusual for a science fiction film because of its limited use of locations.  The poster for the remake is very telling, because it's a picture of a hill with a glow coming over it, 


and indeed, all of the action of this film takes place in a sort of sand pit just over the hill from the main character (the boy, David MacLean - I would guess he's around 10)'s house.  The film begins with his alarm clock going off in the middle of the night so he can look through his telescope at some particular astronomical phenomenon, but unfortunately it also wakes his father, who comes in to tell him off, but being a scientist himself, gets caught up in looking through the telescope until the mother of the family comes to tell them both off.  All of this is very good-humored, which is important for later.  Anyway, David actually does get in bed and go to sleep, only to be woken an hour or so later by a storm and a green glowing flying saucer landing just over the hill.  We see what David doesn't, which is that the saucer somehow burrows under the ground, leaving no visible trace.  He tells his dad, who goes to investigate... and doesn't come back.  He is not back by breakfast time the next day, so his wife calls two police men to come and investigate.  They trot along and find his flashlight and one slipper, before they are SUCKED UNDER GROUND.  The mother is just starting to get really worried when pop shows up back, only he's completely sullen-faced and very peevish, and even slaps David (very realistically), which gives him a clue something's wrong, something that is confirmed when he sees a little x-shaped scar on the back of his neck.  (See the similarities with Body Snatchers?)  The cops come back and are similarly zombie-like, so David runs off to try to tell somebody.  While he's doing that we see the father taking the mother off over the hill...

Other creepy events: the neighbors have mislaid their young daughter, but then she shows up... changed.  Meanwhile, somebody has lit a fire with gasoline in the basement.  And when David goes to the police, the chief is similarly changed.  He instructs the desk sergeant to lock David up (!) until his parents show up to pick him up.  The desk sergeant is a nice, caring fellow, and can see David is freaked out, so he calls "Dr. Pat Blake" on the phone to come and see David.  This turns out to be a very attractive young woman (Helena "not Bonham" Carter) who will be David's partner in trying to sort this whole affair out.  And in fact, when both parents show up (and it's clear that the mother has been "turned") 


she claims that David shows signs of polio and can't leave with them.  They then telephone David's father's colleague at the observatory and go to meet him.  Here he reveals something that has been hinted at earlier, which is that David's dad's work has recently gotten very hush-hush, which is because they suspect Mars of having hidden cities on it, and they've been building a rocket to go to investigate.  And it turns out that all the families targeted for zombification (or arson) are of scientists on this project, and all the people currently zombified are out sabotaging various labs and factories as we speak.  (Rather gruesomely it is revealed that the little girl dropped dead of a brain aneurysm shortly after completing her mission, and Dr. Blake discovers it's because of the device installed in her brain that exploded.  So instantly David panics about his parents (currently off trying to shoot the girl's father, working late in his lab).  We see the two cops cornered (this is not one of those films where nobody ever believes the protagonists - surprisingly quickly everyone, especially the military, is mobilized) and they drop like ripe figs from a tree, so the danger is real.  

It all builds to a finale where we finally get to see the aliens.  There are some rather laughable hench-monsters, 


who look like extras from a live-action Dr Seuss, dressed in obviously zipped-up green fuzzy onesies, and a quite novel looking brains behind the operation, who has a human (albeit gold) face (with expressive eyes but no other expressions) and tentacles, and sits in a glass globe and is carted around by two of the henchmonsters.  



(The place (which looks very Dr. Who-like - glass bubbly walls, 


and you never see the ship) is said to be "crawling" with them, but you never see more than four at a time.)  The main anxiety at the end is whether or not Dr. Pat will get chipped.  


She's on her front with a descending needle-like inserter for what seems like hours.  Then the army have to get out before the charges blow everything sky high.


And then there's a rather confusing ending: David wakes up in bed, apparently having dreamt all this.  His parents are themselves again and in bed when he goes to check, so, relieved, he goes back to bed.  And then he's woken by the flying saucer landing.  WTF?  Make up your mind, people.

As I said, this made quite an impression on the Spielberg-era directors, probably because they were David's age when they saw it.  And aliens-invading-in-the-neighborhood might have been the inspiration for ET, come to think of it.  Perhaps if I'd seen it as a boy in the 50s I would've been more impressed.  It's interesting... but it's no Body Snatchers or The Thing.