Film review: Planet of the Apes (1968)

 

Hard to believe that we had never seen this... "classic," but there it is.  Let's just say that they don't make 'em like this any more.  I have to say that it didn't seem to have enough events in it to justify its nearly two hour length.  The screenplay was co-written by Rod "Twilight Zone" Serling and it would, in fact, make a nice hour-long TV show.  But for all that, it wasn't boring, in part because of its combination of spectacular scenery, spectacular scenery-chewing (thanks Charlton - have to say that the primary apes are actually much more subtle actors, despite having to act through pounds of rubber), and spectacularly cheesy sets.  The beginning hooks you pretty quickly as we see Charlton Heston as captain of a spaceship, recording a last message before joining his three crewmates in suspended animation (or rather, just deep sleep, because the three men grow beards during their rest).  He notes that, thanks to so-and-so (not Einstein)'s theory of time, 700 years has already passed on Earth since they left.  Then, as he puffs on a cigar (! in a space ship!), he muses about how shitty humankind is, something that will be confirmed at the denouement of the film, as most people know.  Then, with a last leer at the one female crew member, he gets into bed.  Next we get a rocket's-eye-view of a descent into a lake in a fantastic desert landscape (Jami speculated Arizona, and the rock formations certainly resembled Monument Valley, but surely there would've been tourist resorts around any lake?).  The now-bearded men are awakened in a panic.  Not so the one woman, who is already a shriveled husk, thanks, Heston's Taylor speculates, to an air leak over a year previously.  This is the first of the grisly fates to await Taylor's crewmates, perhaps the darkest element to the film.  As they abandon ship, 

Taylor notes that it is nearly the year 4000 on Earth, not that it matters because, he thinks, they are now in the Orion Nebula.  (Surely nobody reading this does not know that they are in fact back on Earth, and it kind of stretches credulity that it takes the toppled Statue of Liberty to alert Taylor to this fact, given that everyone he encounters is either human or recognizable ape, and they all speak English (to say nothing of the fact that the atmosphere is friendly and the days are exactly 24 hours long).)  Anyway, the lake they land in appears to be dead, as does the surrounding desert, and given that they only have a couple of days' worth of food and drink, they set off to try to find anything living.  After some picturesque scenes (and some snide words between Taylor and his fellow crew member Landon (a Sean Connery look-similar called Robert Gunner), they come across some genuinely eery (think Wicker Man) "scarecrows" which are quickly forgotten as they find a waterfall and lush vegetation on the other side of the rise that has them on.  (Now I think about it, these must be the markers of the edge of the "forbidden zone" that features later.)  Unbeknownst to our space travelers (but not to us audience), furtive figures have been watching them, and when they skinny dip in the lagoon (Heston gets to be naked a lot in this film, although the most we ever see below his waste is a discreet glimpse of buttock) these figures (seen only in the form of (clearly human) hands) make off with the clothes and equipment.  Chasing after them reveals that they are clearly "primitive" humans - although they have clearly partaken of the fruit of knowledge, because all of their rude bits are covered with animal furs, despite it being clearly very warm.  Just as our heroes are chatting comfortably about how this planet is ripe for the conquest, if these are the smartest it has to offer, the humans take fright, because something is stirring in the cornfields, and that something is soon revealed to be... apes on horses with rifles (and nets)!  

During the chase all three astronauts are separated, and one, Dodge, the sole black member of the crew (and only black person in the movie) is shot dead.  Taylor is also shot in the throat, which, conveniently for the plot, means he is unable to talk for a while.  When he awakes, he is being operated on by a kindly female chimpanzee called Dr. Zira (played by Kim Hunter of The Seventh Victim, although it's impossible to tell).  She takes to him quickly, calling him "Bright Eyes" and believing him to be smart, although not so smart that he doesn't try harder to communicate with her non-verbally or even make the appropriate head movements to respond to her comments.  (The most he tries to do is steal her pad and pencil, for which he gets punished by the guards.)  Turns out this chimp has a boyfriend, another scientist called Cornelius (played by the great Roddy McDowell), who has blasphemous ideas about how humans might be the precursor to apes.  Seeking to quash all such talk is the joint Head Scientist and Defender of the Faith, Dr. Zaius (wonderfully played by English stage actor Maurice Evans).  A lot of the remaining film is a sort of Galileo vs. the Inquisition battle between the two chimps (and Taylor, once he's got his voice back and delivered the famous like "get your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape," following another of the film's seemingly inexhaustible apes-chasing-humans scenes), including an actual trial (which features what I take to be a knowing joke, where the three judges 

reenact the famous "three monkeys" scene, where, reacting to their distaste at Taylor's claims, one covers his eyes, the other his ears, the third his mouth), following which Taylor is challenged to produce evidence of his fantastic "space travel" story, which he attempts to provide by searching out his surviving crew member.  (He knows Dodge is dead, both because he watched him get shot, but also because he saw him stuffed in a display in one of his attempts at escape.)  They round up the humans that Taylor was captured with and there's Landon, looking rather vacant, standing at the back.  The reason for his vacant expression is soon apparent - he's been lobotomized, clearly by Dr. Zaius in an attempt to silence him, but purportedly to save his life.  This sends Taylor into a rage that ends with him being imprisoned again (albeit with the mate he has somehow acquired - the improbably beautiful Nova) waiting to be "gelded".  But he is sprung by Zira's plucky nephew, Lucius, and the two humans and three chimps go on the run, 

heading for the forbidden zone, where earlier Cornelius formed his heretical evolutionary theory because of archeological evidence he found (but was prevented from exploring to his satisfaction).  Long story short: they get there, but are pursued by Zaius and an armed gorilla escort.  Taylor takes Zaius hostage and they find a human doll with a working speech box, clear evidence of earlier human sophistication.  But Zaius knew this already, and is in fact in possession of a piece of ape scripture that warns of the destructive power of speaking humans, how they ruin everything they come into contact with.  Taylor and Nova head off (after an amusing scene where Taylor insists on kissing Zira, who is touched but cannot help but protest "but you're so ugly!"), 

and Zaius reneges on a promise to let the chimp trio go, but (turning out to be surprisingly soft hearted), he will not have them killed, just imprisoned for a couple of years on heresy charges.  He also stops the gorillas going after the humans, predicting that they will not like what they find in the forbidden zone.  Cue famous ending, with even more famous line: "You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!"

Definitely has the Rod Serling sermonizing touch.  Anti-war, anti-prejudice, anti-religion and basically anti-human, with the apes held up as both mirror of our prejudices and scold of our excesses.  And while I can admire the quality of the recent trilogy of Ape movies that chart the progress of the development of intelligent apes (a bit of mystery in this one, it must be said) and the collapse of human civilization, I rather prefer this one, cheesiness (and Heston) notwithstanding.  It's only right that it's the true stars, Zira and Cornelius, that get to feature more prominently in the two sequels...