My second in-flight movie, I expected less of this one (its reviews said at best that it was fun, whereas Strange Darling's reviews promised a masterpiece) and consequently was pleasantly surprised. This fits with my philosophy of life: low expectations are the key. There is a twist in this one (hint: Scream did it first) but otherwise it's one of the modern innovations on the slasher-movie genre: the rom-com slasher. Fittingly it is set on Valentine's Day (hey, basically all the other holidays have had at least one and sometimes several slashers) and the first victims are an obnoxious couple staging their engagement at a winery for a cameraman who is the first-of-the-first victims (stabbed through his camera, but not before he catches a blurry picture of the killer). The killer's gimmick is, you guessed it, their mask has hearts for eyes. And they glow, and are night-vision cameras.
As far as killing implements, they're a bit overstocked. They use a machete a lot, but they also have a crossbow with sort of expanding bolts that can be used as hand weapons if need be.
The killer has been dispatching loving couples over a series of successive Valentine's Days, moving across the country to various cities, and the hook of the film is that our main couple are not really a couple (in fact he is her new supervisor, brought in because her advertising campaign for jewelry disastrously features reference to death-and-romance (it runs through a series of doomed couples like Bonnie and Clyde) which makes it unusable when the real murders break out) but are just kissing because she sees her ex, over whom she has not got (he's British, so you know he left a mark) and wants to make him jealous. She (a short, rather stocky blonde called Ally) wanted to be a doctor but dropped out (I can't remember which of these was triggered by her dad dying suddenly) and hates Valentine's Day because her parents were so in love that her mother was never the same after her father's death, whereas he (Mason, looks like he should be an underwear model for Calvin Klein, surprisingly good at light comedy for somebody who looks like he should just be good at pouting)
is a romantic precisely because his parents fought tooth and nail. Anyway, after an initial fight where he gets knocked out and the killer chases her all round a fairground
before the police chase him off, somehow he gets accused of being Heart Eyes and gets dragged off to the clink. She follows to try to get him out and it all gets very complicated. There's also an older set of police partners where the man looks like he wants them to be a couple and the woman seems all business. Oh, and in a regrettably retrograde step for 2025, she has a sassy Latina best friend who only has a very minor supporting role. I believe she even does that head wiggle thing at one point. I must say that I didn't see the twists coming in this one, despite the fact that unlike Strange Darling it certainly had no pretensions. It's rated R, and one of the first kills involves essentially being exploded in a wine press
(and there is a slow beheading at one point) but really this is Army of Darkness level of horror where it could easily be PG-13 with a couple of seconds trimmed here and there. Nothing is played very seriously and most of the people have it coming. A slasher with training wheels, if you will. What with films like Terrifier and In a Violent Nature where I read descriptions of the violence therein and know that I would never be tempted to watch them, that's welcome. Oh, and don't worry, Ally goes back to medical school in the end, so the filmmakers know that advertising is no job for a hero.
Oh, and before you judge me for watching (let alone being mildly entertained by) such trash, remember that everything else on offer was even worse. Do Better, American Airlines.
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