I'm going to say up front that I have no idea how the murder was committed. The book was written in 1949 and set in England and, just as with Brand's previous stories, this one involves a (relatively) small group of people (seven) none of whom could possibly have committed the murder but each has a very strong motive to murder and lie about what they were doing and what they saw for reasons that become increasingly farcical as the story goes on. This investigation is handled by Inspector Cockrill who also seems peeved with the whole set up as by about 3/4th through he seems to not care who did it. But we also have Inspector Charlesworth of Scotland Yard and, again, the two rub each other very wrong. (This book was written before London Particular and so is the first time Cockrill and Charlesworth meet. Charlesworth makes many snarky comments about how Cockrill mishandled Green For Danger and when confronted states outright that he would have handled things differently and better.)
The basic idea, if I can manage to set it out, is that a group of people (who are NOT professional actors) are putting on a "pageant" (whatever the hell that is) in a new "shopping mall" (did those exist then?) that provides space for manufacturers to display next year's models so people (store owners?) get excited and pre-order vacuums, desk chairs, ovens and hair dryers. (Didn't we see this premise in a Jacques Tati movie?) Why is there a pageant taking place in a shopping mall? I have no idea. So back to this story: One of the characters is a has-been something and has his entire identity invested in the success of this pageant that is going to tell the story of all the Kings of England so that everyone who sees it gets whipped up with national pride. However, the rest of the people involved are only agreeing either as a favor to him (and several feel that repaying that favor does NOT require them seeing through a bizarre and increasingly dangerous murder investigation) or as a favor to someone else who owes this guy a favor. So we have seven people on a stage (or nearby) during a production that requires: three manly and one non-manly men in full knight's armor atop horses (real horses were used!); one beautiful woman atop a ladder behind a prop wall with a window cut out so she can act like a princess watching the procession; a very tall, beefy relatively unattractive man-hating woman backstage managing costume changes and curtain drops; a mousy, fertive, overly nervous "young girl" (in her mid-30s) who got confused and then locked into a storage room and stuffed under a heap of blankets--an alibi no one believes; and another man who was supposed to be on a horse but couldn't find his armor and so is backstage while the props manager woman hunts down his costume--or so she says! Then, right when the prancing horses are strutting around in a circle on stage while the knights sing an ode to England, the "princess" atop the ladder falls forward to her death ending a pageant that audience members are unlikely to ever forget.
All the suspects claim it had to be suicide but Cockrill who, unlikely as it may seem, was in the audience at the time of the event, doesn't think so. His reasoning: if she wanted to kill herself, she wouldn't flop forward onto the stage floor when she is more likely to break her neck than die, she wouldn't have strange rope burns/bruising on her wrists and arms that were caused after she was dead (Wha???), she wouldn't have a love note from a secret admirer pinned to a broach hidden under her costume, and--most importantly--she wouldn't be dead a good 30 minutes BEFORE she fell out of the window!! So, murder it is. Although Cockrill is not OFFICIALLY on the case, he involves himself by interrogating people and examining the crime scene (taking advantage of the 20 minutes it takes the police to show up once people realize the princess is actually dead and this isn't just some weird modern take on English history). His interrogation technique boils down to him telling each person that they can trust him because he isn't officially on the case--and they fall for it! But they don't, actually, as each of them tells porky after porky thereby causing needless delays that just end up causing TWO MORE MURDERS!
Now here is a twist: during his questioning, Cockrill discovers that this is no accidental grouping of people who sort of but not really know each other. It turns out that each and every one of them is very, very tightly connected to a guy named Johnny Wise, a sexy young thing who sounds a bit like James Dean because to meet him is to love him. It is strongly implied that heterosexual men were known to flip the minute they locked eyes with him. (We all look to the unmanly man who struggled to stay atop the horse and is prone to hystrionics.) Poor Johnny had his whole life ahead of him but instead died by suicide (or was it?) 10 years earlier. We have a parent, two brothers, two childhood best friends, a girlfriend, and two roommates who went through hell when his death was being investigated. And one of these people, Cockrill's theory is, bided their time for 10 years to find the perfect moment to exact their revenge. (Talking about playing the long game!) So what did our princess have to do with Johnny Wise? Well, it turns out that she was his girlfriend at the time of his death and since has been a shell of a person, drinking and drugging and couch surfing while barely surviving on a small trustfund that doesn't cover her cigarette habit. So why murder a person badly damaged by Johnny's death? That makes no sense...unless is isn't a murder to avenge a murder, but the completion of a murder scheme that began with Johnny! But then why wait 10 years? And why would family members do that? So that can't be right...
Ok, then it gets REALLY strange: one of the knights who couldn't POSSIBLY have done it because at the time of the killing he was in armor on a horse (but notice you can't tell who is actually IN the armor once it is on a person) gets a phone call at a public phone booth from someone instructing him to meet someone else at a park...late at night...alone...behind a copse of bushes...so they can tell him who the murderer is. Excited to be a hero (or cover his ass), he goes--and ends up dead! Not only that, but his head is cut off and mailed to one of the other suspects with a note that says, "You're next!" Well, that's got everyone spooked and now half-truths and more lies come tumbling out, with each suspect pointing fingers at the other. THEN the guy who "couldn't find" his armor remembers that Johnny Wise has a twin and decides that the unattractive woman who handles props is really Johnny's identical twin brother in drag and, while everyone else was on stage he/she snuck around behing the giant wall/window prop, climbed up the ladder and killed the princess right in the middle of the production (but no one noticed because they were all caught up with the prancing ponies). So he rushes over and grabs "various parts" of the person in question...only to find that she really is she and those bits aren't coming off. Yikes, that was awkward... But then at 3 am that night he sits bolt upright in bed, realizing that a man can have a twin sister!!!! What a FOOL he's been, he tells himself, and bursts into tears of determination to tell Cockrill his suspicions the next morning. After tossing and turning for four hours he heads out of his apartment, fully determined to tell Cockrill all he knows--consequences be damned--only to see a "You're next!" note pinned to his apartment door and he falls to the floor, nearly dying of fright.
Where is all this going? I really couldn't tell you. Truly, the plot is so convoluted, so ever-changing as more and more lies are disproven and facts are revealed that I can't even remember what the real story is. I can't even make sense of the pageant! Obviously I'm not the only one who found the story confusing as Brand included a map of the stage with arrows pointing to the knights, the princess, and the locked doors and walls that closed all the relevant suspects into the "closed circle" murder which was also sort of a locked room puzzle as the door to the back stage somehow got locked and no one had the key--or didn't they?
Two pieces of information that one needs to know in order to solve this over-the-top mystery: (1) The English propensity for childishly stupid nicknames for people should have, but didn't, tell all of us who the murderer was right on page 1. Here it goes: The character with an over-the-top Norwegian accent is named Brian Bryan. One of the characters (the mousy one named Perpetua, of all things) gives him the nickname Brian Two-Times. What she (and everyone else) SHOULD have called him was Bryan Twice...Bryan Twize? Bryant Wize!!!---TWIN BROTHER OF JOHHNY! But wait, wasn't he in armor on a horse 30 minutes prior to the start of the pageant and all through the murder? Well, that brings us to crucial fact (2): well-trained horses can perform with a suit of armor on their back even if there is no person inside. So wait, if he killed the princess to avenge his twin brother, why did he kill the other guy and cut off his head??? (But did he?)
So how good is this novel? Actually, despite the ridiculous mystery--as silly as Christie's Murder on the Orient Express--it's great: the characters are (as usual for Brand) really good, their conversations are hilarious, and the battle of wits between Cockrill and Charlesworth is wonderful. Just give up on ever understanding why Johnny Wise, that sexy tearaway, died and enjoy the dialogue.
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