My Annoying Brother - by Thomas

[This was a story that Thomas wrote at school. I understand that some people received incomplete copies, so here it is in full. Punctuation and spelling has been left unaltered. Remember that this was written for the amusement of his fellow students, and that it is fiction. For one thing, Thomas is actually 8...]

Chapter 1: “I Didn’t Do It!”

Hi, my name’s Thomas. I have a little brother named Frederick and he’s a pain. Anyway, I’m 10 and he’s 3.

“I wanna glass of juice!”

That’s Frederick. “Get it yourself,” I mumble.

“I want da juishy now!” he whines.

“Whatever.” I get up and make him a glass of juice and give it to him.

Then I go back to reading my book in the sitting room and Frederick disappears into the playroom.

The next thing I hear is, “Hey kitty. You wanna have juice?”

Then I hear, “Row?” It is Tiger, our oldest and fattest cat.

“Come on kitty. Drink da juice. OK, I’ll make you drink it,” I hear.

I rush into the playroom just in time to see Frederick dump the juice on Tiger. Tiger growls and scratches Frederick. Frederick starts to cry.

“Da mean kitty scwatched me!” he whines.

“Well, you deserved it,” I say, annoyed.

“What’s going on here?” my mom says as she descends our stairway.

I was about to say nothing when Frederick whines, “Thomas stole da juicy and dwied to dump it on me, but he dump it on Tigah, who swached me.”

“Thomas, is that true?” my mom asks me.

“No, of course not!” I reply.

“Then who did it?” my mom asks me.

“Frederick did,” I reply.

“Well, whatever,” my mom says and walks away.

Just then I realize Frederick is not in the room. Then I see that my mom left the baby gate to upstairs open. Upstairs is just a bathroom, my room, Frederick’s room and my mom and dad’s room, 4 rooms. I dash up the stairs to see my room door open.

“Oh great,” I think as I enter the room. This is what I see. The window is open with the screen pushed out and Frederick heaving my Lego out the window.

Chapter 2: “FREDERICK!!!”

“What are you doing?” I yell.

“Twoing your Wego bye-bye!” Frederick replies.

I look out the window to see thousands of Lego bricks and a shattered screen on the ground. “Mom,” I call.

“What?” my mom says as she runs up the stairs. “Oh my gosh!” she says when she sees what Frederick did. “Frederick, you’re grounded for a week!” she says infuriated.

“Wadh!” I don’t like you no maw!” Frederick whines.

“Go!” my mom says.

So Frederick slouches into his room. I can’t help but get a small smirk on my face.

“Come on,” my mom mumbles. “That screen’s gonna cost a lot!” …..

Six hours later, my dad comes home, just in time for dinner.

“Frederick broke Thomas’s screen,” my mom explains to my dad.

“Where is he now?” my dad asks.

“In his room. He’s grounded for a week,” my mom explains.

“Good. Now I’ll go get him down from there,” my dad replies. So he begins ascending the stairs. About half a minue later I hear, “Oh my God! Jami, come up here!”

“OK,” my mom replies as she runs up the stairs.

“What is it?” I ask.

“Come up and see,” my dad calls.

So I climb up the stairs and enter Frederick’s room. “Oh, my God!” I say. The window is open and Frederick has tied his sheet into a rope and climbed out the window.

“Let’s go ask our neighbors if they’ve seen anybody like Frederick,” my mom says sounding faint.

So we walk across that street. Then I ring the doorbell to the people’s house across the street. A lady opens the door and says, “If you want to sell something, I’m not buying it.”

“No, we’re looking for a kid that has blond hair, blue eyes and is about a meter tall,” my dad replies.

The lady yells, “Honey, some people are looking for the kid that came here and said he was up for adoption.”

“Alright. I’ll send him down,” a man’s voice replies. Then Frederick comes trotting down the stairs.

“Come on,” my dad said, sounding angry.

“Bud I wive here now,” Frederick whines.

“Come on,” my dad repeats; this time pulling Frederick out the door.

Chapter 3: Frederick’s Help

“Frederick, you don’t do that,” my dad says.

“What should we do with him?” I ask.

“Just feed him and sent him to bed. We’ll discuss more later,” my dad murmurs in reply.

“Pose pepoe fed me,” Frederick says.

“Alright, then go straight to bed. It’s past your bedtime,” my dad says.

So Frederick is sent to bed…………………….

At about 1:00 a.m., I am awakened by a crash of glass. “Better not be Frederick,” I think as I get out of bed. But when I go into Frederick’s room, Frederick is fast asleep. Just then Frederick jerks and wakes up.

“Whad are you doing here?” he asks.

“I’m seeing if you broke anything because I heard a crash,” I reply.

Just then we hear voices from downstairs.

“We’ll take this TV, this radio, oh, and this jewelry,” a man’s voice says. “Hey, I found a wallet!”

“Hey, I hear footsteps. Put up your gun!” a deeper man’s voice says.

“We’re being robbed!” I gasp.

“And day got guns!” Frederick whines.

“But, who are they going to shoot?” I think, worried.

Just then I hear, “Rowww?”

“Oh, it’s just a cat. Put your gun back, Bob,” the deep voice says.

“Whew, just Tiger,” I think.

“Alright, Bobby,” says the other man.

“So da deep voiced man id Bobby, and da odder one is Bob,” Frederick exclaims.

“Yes,” I say in reply, “but we need to think of a plan to call the police without being shot,” I explained.

“Bud how?” Frederick asks.

“Well, you’re going to have to snned down to the basement and call the police on the phone down there,” I explain. I look at Frederick’s puzzled face. “It’s 911,” I add.

“Alwight, bud why does id have to be me?” Frederick asks.

“Because you’re smaller,” I say. So Frederick begins to go down the stairs.

Just then I hear, “Hey, there’s a toddler right there!”

“Oh, no!” I think.

“What are you doin’ son?” Bob says.

“Gedding a dwink a watah,” Frederick says.

“Fine, then get it,” Bob says. Then silence. Then I hear Bob and Bobby talk some more about what they will take. Then I hear Frederick coming back up the stairs.

“Did you call the police?” I ask him.

“I was supoed to caw da powice?” he answers. Frederick trots back down the stairs.

Then I hear, “What are you doin’ here again?”

“Do get a dwink a watah.”

“For crying out loud, you just had one!”

“Bud, I’m still thiwsty!” Frederick whines and begins to cry.

“Fine,” Bobby says. Then Bob and Bobby talk some more. Then Frederick comes back up the stairs.

“Did you call the police?” I ask him. My question is answered by the sound of sirens outside. Then I hear Bobby and Bob say some swear words I don’t know. Then the door opens and the police come charging into the house.

“You’re under arrest!” I hear. “Hey, this is Bob and Bobby, the most dangerous out-laws, in this house!”

“But, who caught them?” I hear.

“I did!” said Frederick as he ran down the stairs.

The police gave him a $50,000,000.22 reward!