Film review: Get Duked! (2019)

 

This film, which just popped up on Amazon, was apparently called "Boys In The Wood" when it was released in Britain, judging by the reviews on Rotten Tomatoes. At first I thought that was a much better title, but actually the phrase "Get Duked!" does feature fairly prominently, and also there is a noticeable (and commented on) absence of woods in the Scottish Highlands, where the film is set.  The film itself was entertaining enough, but, despite its copious swearing, occasional bloody violence and repeated drug use, I'd say it was ideally pitched at a thirteen-year-old audience, as there are a couple of rather earnest scenes of "we're all fellow outcasts bonding" that crusty old cynic me could have done without.  So what's it about, you ask?  Well, the "Duke" of the title refers to the Duke of Edinburgh award, which, for the three hoodlum boys (top three in the poster) is punishment for blowing up the lavatory block at their school (13-year-old humor), while the fourth is an earnest home-schooled boy who seems to think a Duke of Edinburgh award will look good on his resume for University.  Starting top left and going clockwise the boys are Duncan, the Vyvyan from the Young Ones of the bunch (just as thick, but a bit more amiable), DJ Beatroot (whose real name is much posher), the self-styled future of hip hop, whose family is rich and has just moved up from London, Dean, the son of an alcoholic fish-factory employee, who is brighter than he looks (and acts) and Ian, the home schooler.  They are dropped off by their substitute teacher Mr Carlyle with instructions (and a map) on how to reach the campsite where he will meet them to camp for the night.  He then vanishes in the minivan.  It doesn't take long for the reprobate three to use a vital section of the map as rolling paper for a giant doobie that may contain cannabis tar, or may just contain tar.  They wander aimlessly for a while, bumping into a tractor-driving farmer, 

who warns them how fatal the countryside is, and on whom DJ offloads his debut CD, and finding a pair of boots that DJ (whose fancy footwear means he is slowing them down) refuses to wear, but that we the audience see came from the feet of a corpse poorly-buried nearby.  In fact, there have been ominous foreshadowings for a while, starting with all the posters for lost and missing children on the noticeboard by the drop off point.  And there is the shadowy figure in the distance, who finally reveals himself (to us) as Eddie Izzard, as a strange masked toff, whom the boys suspect of being the real Duke of Edinburgh, and in refer to as "the Duke".  He gives a little spiel about "culling" the errant youth and starts taking potshots at the boys.  They fashion a bomb out of a primus stove and make good their escape, after succeeding in setting fire to his trouser leg.  To Mr. Carlyle's (and their) surprise, they make it to the campsite in double-quick time, but Dean (who is high as a kite, having eaten the turd of a magic-mushroom-eating rabbit) 

notices that Mr. Carlyle has a burnt leg, and they suspect him of being the Duke.  Duncan takes it on himself to run Mr. Carlyle over with the minivan, which leaves them with a corpse to dispose of, which they attempt to do by putting him at the wheel of the minivan as it goes over a cliff, only it doesn't - it rolls backwards down the road and disappears (but don't worry, it'll be back).  Meanwhile, an inept pair of local cops is responding to the call that Duncan managed to make in the scant moment he got one bar on his phone ("there's no phone reception in the Highlands, ya numpty" as Mr. Carlyle said) and are on the lookout for terrorists or a drug gang, when in fact they should be looking for a bread thief who has been plaguing all the Highland towns and villages.  Anyway, Eddie Izzard, and another masked figure who turns out to be his wife ("The Duchess") return to plague the boys, 

and captures Ian, who sprains his ankle and is left behind by the others.  They in turn split up, when DJ insists on entering a scary-looking barn (which turns out to be a Farmers' rave, where they're all listening to the CD he gave the tractor-driver earlier and greet him as a conquering hero 

[and they evidently love his DJ name, which is a sore point as Dean has just pointed out how stupid it sounds] and introduce him to the "Highland Secret" that Dean accidentally discovered earlier of the hallucinogenic rabbit turds), while the other two go and hide in a cave.  Poor old Ian is trussed up, made to look like a fox (hence the hat in the poster) and it looks like a Wicker Man folk horror style fate is going to befall him as the couple approach him chanting pagan stuff and waving a sword.  Cue a rescue from the others.  Then the boys seek revenge on the couple, but little do they know how many other Dukes there are around.  Will the police capture the bread thief?  Did the Duke of Edinburgh really start this whole thing as an excuse to hunt urban youth?  Is Mr. Carlyle really dead?  Will Ian get the laminated certificate he craves?  Will the boys learn the skills the award was supposed to inculcate?  Will the van show up again?  Many of those questions are answered in what follows, along with some humorous fork-related antics.  As I said, a pleasant enough diversion, much aided by the sympathetic performances of the four leads.  (The adults tend to be a bit too cartoonish for my tastes.)