Ending with pure decadence

 

Rhubarb-Strawberry

Suddenly ridiculously balmy.  Don't be fooled by what's left of the snow - this was T-shirt weather.

 

Raspberry-Lychee

 Another good one.  And I can feel the days getting longer already!

 

Strawberry-Passion Fruit

 I pronounce this my fave of the fruit combos.  Today was bright and cold.  Frederick and I were feeling under the weather (I was planning to take a Covid test but chickened out) so we stayed home.

Festive Flamingo

We always used to add a different tacky light-up animal in our front yard every Xmas.  But then Thomas moved away and they all fell apart...  But this year I decided to re-start the tradition!  And here's the silliest animal they had.  (Jami did all the work of assembling it, mind.)

 

Sylvester's favorite time of the year...

 ...when the Xmas tree goes up!  Here he is, caught mid-rabbit-kick.

 Normally Jami picks out the tree, and usually it's ridiculously large.  This year I picked out a Charlie Brown tree outside Whole Foods.  She initially refused to welcome it into the house, but has clearly softened.  Hatred of shopping won out over principles.

Bonne Maman back on their bullshit

They're just playing word salad with this combination:

 

Just one ingredient?

 

After it got warm and the ice melted, we had strong winds and the temps dropped again.  Felt even colder in the wind.

Cherry Pink Peppercorn (!?) Spread

You can't taste the peppercorn, which is a mercy.  Tastes quite nice, actually.

Today was up around 50, so the luge course of the driveway melted enough that I could hack some chunks out of it.  If it freezes tonight everything will be, as Jami's grandmother used to say, "slick as snot".  (I always thought of snot as rather sticky, myself.)

 

Pear-Mandarin-Cinnamon Spread

 

They're just mashing words together at this point.  (This is the third pink lid in a row.  Eagle-eyed readers will note that I got the numbers for today and yesterday transposed.)[Except, they won't because I forgot to post it.  Here you go:

 Weather update: warming and melting today.  Supposed to rain tomorrow, which might clear the luge run off the driveway. 

Film review: Wake Up Dead Man: A Knives Out Mystery (2025)

 

Simon claims he's too busy to write this movie review. I've had a major migraine all day (weather shift) and am now highly medicated, but here it goes: We watched Movie 3 in the Knives Out series, and I have no idea what it is called. Each movie, which feels like something that should be part of the Sunday Night Mystery Movies series I watched as a kid and featured Columbo and MacMillan and Wife, is pretty lightweight. Aside from one truly exceptional performance by a lead character, the rest seem cheesy and overwrought--and that include the genius detective, Benoit Blanc played by former James Bond somebody. The detective is from Louisiana (pronounced LEEZ ee Ann AH) and, given that this takes place in what looks like northern New York, one can't help but wonder why the hell he's there? Who called him? He's asked that several times by the lead character, but never gets an answer. So, let's get to it. The movie starts with us meeting a young priest with a HEAVY New York City accent--that tells us he grew up rough [Simon here - the actor is Josh O'Connor, who is English, and I honestly thought he was doing an Irish accent at first (you know- stereotypical Catholic Priest) but then it morphed into an American accent)]. 

And he did: he's a former boxer who accidentally but not really killed a guy he hated in the ring. Now he's all I Love Jesus and priestly--until he clocks an older priest giving him attitude. So, Priest Boy is sent off to northern New York to a TEENY church where a famous asshole runs the place into the ground. Our Priest Boy shows up and Priest Man [Josh Brolin - a lot of joshing in this movie]--who looks like a cross between a country singer and a cowboy--hates him instantly. 

He demands Priest Boy take his confession, and simply relates revolting tales of how he jacks off every chance he gets--then holds out his hand (clearly the one that does the business) to shake Priest Boy's hand. This is the first of many aggressively offensive acts Priest Man does to Priest Boy. Then we meet the parishioners one by one, which doesn't take long as there are only about 5: 

1. Martha [Glen Close], a righteous religious fanatic who actually runs the church business. She's been there since she was 7 or so, and has no life outside this church. 

2. Samson [the perpetually underused Thomas Hayden Church], a disheveled gardener/maintenance man who isn't really religious, but he's now sober and believes it's because of the superior power of Priest Man. Martha loves him and he seems fond of her. 

3. Nat [Jeremy Renner, convincingly playing a weasel], the drunken doctor who is now alone as his wife took off with their children. He never seems to work but spends his time drinking and feeling sorry for himself. 

4. Lee [Andrew "Hot Priest from Fleabag" Scott] A has-been author who writes crap and blames feminists, gays, Trans people, immigrants, minorities and other "Libtards" for his failures. 

5. Vera [Kelly Washington] - A young black woman lawyer who could have done great things but instead stayed here to continue her father's law office doing small potato stuff like wills and deeds. Every time she came on the screen I asked myself, "Why the hell would a family of black lawyers move to that town?" 

6. Simone [Cailee Spaeny] Beautiful cellist who develops mysterious neurological disorder and spends all her time feeling sorry for herself and waiting for Jesus to cure her. 

7. Cy, [Daryl McCormack] a young mixed race man who was raised by lawyer because her father told her to. She has no idea who his mother is. He had political ambitions and wanted to ride the MAGA train, but he (according to him) lacked the cult of personality. So he spends his time spying on people here and videotaping their private conversations and posts them on social media. 

We see Priest Man bully, manipulate and control these losers. He also cons them out of all their savings. They fear and adore him. And, because he tells them to, they also hate Priest Boy. So, by now, Priest Boy is pretty miserable and he and Priest Man fight and say words in anger, 

which Cy tapes. Then, next day, Palm Sunday, Priest Man is giving a hate loaded sermon, walks off to a small closet to "recover" and drops dead. No one sees him die, but all see that no one was in the room with him when he died. Although it was seemingly impossible, all our townsfolk blame Priest Boy and he becomes more miserable and guilt ridden--not because he killed the asshole but because he's so happy the guy is dead. Then, weirdly, our Louisiana Detective enters the room 

(literally) and takes over everything, even bossing the police around. He, thrilled as all get out, announces that we have a Locked Room Mystery!!! (Later, he finds the church book club has been reading cozy British murder mysteries by Carter Dickson and Agatha Christie and he's convinced the murderer invented a Locked Room mystery in honor of the books.) BUT, I must point out, he's wrong: locked room mysteries really have locked rooms with the dead body inside and, usually, a murder set up to look like suicide. A closed circle mystery is an obvious murder with a small circle of suspects all nearby, no locked room, BUT the physical impossibility of any of them doing the crime because they were all looking at each other at the time of death. I can't say more without giving too much away other than to say within 24 hours there will be three more deaths and a resurrection and death of the Priest, totaling four or five deaths, depending on whether you think he died, lived and died again or just died and then walked around while still dead. Very over the top ending, very hokey acting, yet excellent performance by Priest Boy that not only saves the movie but makes it worth watching.

 

Orange-Guava-Lime

Well, it turned out I was optimistic about us reaching the nadir of the Arctic blast.  Equally frigid today.  We've reached the point where coming into the driveway is like jumping a train onto tracks, because our driveway has two ruts of solid ice separated by uncompacted snow.  Still, I'm pleased with the lined jeans that are keeping me warm that I fashioned by combining two old pairs of jeans, one inside the other:

 

Mango Ginger

I think we've hit bottom in this particular cold snap - it was low single-digits Fahrenheit.  Frederick and I gave each other the day off from walkies.  Toast in front of the fire.

 

Apricot-Honey

 I like both the ingredients, but I think each is better by itself than the combination.  It continues to get colder - positively unpleasant today.

 

Film review: Encounters of the Spooky Kind (1980)

In the mood (as we are 99% of the time in these dark times) for something light, we happened across this on our newly re-subscribed Criterion Channel.  Actually it was part of a whole Sammo Hung collection, but we'd seen all the others.  Apparently this film did more than any other to popularize that weird Hong Kong phenomenon: the hopping vampire (although they don't seem to be vampires in any recognizable way - more like zombies).  It's a pretty broad comedy that also has some fairly gruesome elements (the beginning dream sequence, where two skeletal spirits in giant urns break out and attack Sammo involves one of them taking a very convincing bite out of his leg), and some questionable gender politics.  The main outline of the plot is that Sammo has a shrewish wife who is wearing fancier clothes than she should be able to afford, and whom, thanks to a story told by a local sweet-tofu stand owner that Sammo (who is called "Bold Cheung" here because of his constant boasts of his bravery) frequents, he comes to suspect is being unfaithful, and indeed returns at lunch time (as the protagonist of the story, who was obviously the stand owner himself, who has an equally shrewish wife, did) to see through a peephole a male leg protruding from the bed.  As he's trying to break in, the man, who is actually his boss (Master Tam) escapes out the window.  His wife almost brazens it out by yelling so angrily at Cheung that he backs down, until he finds a single male shoe, too big to be his, lying around.  The wife still refuses to confess, claiming that it was his, he bought it used (explaining its battered look) and she was about to return it.  From there we move (I'm not quite sure how) to Cheung betting that he can stay overnight in a haunted mansion.  (Oh, I forgot: before all of this there was a pretty intense scene where three of his friends try to trick him, presumably to punish him for his boasts of being brave.  One of them invites him to his own house to show him something scary, and if he doesn't run out, he'll buy him breakfast.  That friend dresses up as a female ghost (with one of those long dangly tongues) and appears apparently in a mirror, although it has been slid away to reveal him).  Initially startled, Cheung sees the man's shoes and works it out.  They sit down for tea and a real ghost sucks the friend into the mirror.  This ghost tries to do the same thing to Cheung, 

but in very Scooby Doo antics, keeps missing.  However, the other two friends show up (hoping to mock Cheung) spot the ghost and run out.  This incident seems entirely cut off from the rest of the movie, though, and it is never resolved what happened to the friend sucked into the mirror, who is never mentioned again.

Anyway, back to the haunted mansion.  This is all a plot by Tam to bump off Cheung before he finds out that Tam has been boinking his wife.  In truly convoluted fashion, it involves hiring a sorcerer 

to bring the dead to life to kill Cheung (seems needlessly roundabout).  But a member of the sorcerer's group is disgusted at him - they both had the same master who taught them only to use their powers for good and not to be greedy ("nothing wrong with money" retorts the bad sorcerer) so he takes it upon himself to be Cheung's guardian angel.  He falls in with Cheung as he's going through the woods on the way to the haunted temple and asks where it is.  Cheung tells him, and asks why he is also going there.  He replies "I've been told that a fat idiot has made a bet to stay the night there and I've been hired to collect his body."  Anyway, he gives Cheung advice on what to do, and when an enchanted corpse (suitably gruesome - the makeup reminds me of what I've seen of one of those Italian zombie movies of the late 70s) hops out of the coffin, 

controlled by the sorcerer - who can apparently see through the corpse's eyes - Cheung is either in the rafters or under the coffin, and when the corpse finally finds him (he steps on his feet) it's dawn and Cheung is safe.  Anyway, once this has failed, Tam's henchman gets the dazed Cheung to double his bet to spend another night there.  This time the advice is to get 50 chicken eggs (they must be chicken, but of course, we see the egg vendor supplement the 40 chicken eggs he has with 10 non-chicken eggs) and (ugh) the leg and blood of a young dog.  (Not only does this film appear to feature a real chicken beheading, you also see Cheung carrying a live puppy into the abbatoir, and in the next scene, is trotting along with a pot of blood.)  Anyway, this time Cheung lies on the coffin, and every time the corpse tries to get out, throws in an egg.  Meanwhile we see the sorcerer thrown to the ground every time this happens.  Until he grabs a non-chicken egg, and the corpse is free and he and Cheung battle it out until Cheung throws the dog gore at him and the sorcerer flies so hard into the roof of the building behind him that it explodes, as we see him all wrapped in bandages.

Cheung returns into town but finds his house trashed and apparent blood everywhere.  An officious cop and his clowish goons show up and arrest him, but no prison can hold Sammo for long (good thing too, because he was to be executed the next day) and he goes on the run.  Once again, he has to spend the night alongside a corpse, but this one just mimics him harmlessly 

until (for some reason that escapes me) it goes berzerk, and is chasing him through a wood when they run into the cop and company, and the corpse attacks them instead, allowing Sammo to escape.  

His guardian angel takes him on as a disciple.  They are at an inn some time later when the cop and his men show up again.  But so does the sorcerer and he controls Cheung's arm so that he beats up everybody (not sure why, because this seems to be helping Cheung out).  The guardian angel guy works out what's happening, finds the sorcerer and beats him up.

 Amnyway, more of the same until a final showdown between the sorcerer and Cheung's guardian, where both are standing on ludicrously elevated altars, for some reason, and each is controlling on the one hand Cheung (as a monkey) and the other Tam (somebody else) so that they have a knock-down kung fu battle.  At the end of it all (when everyone but Cheung appears dead) Cheung's wife, who has been safe with Tam this whole time, comes out claiming to have been a prisoner.  But Cheung is having none of it, and the film ends with him punching her into a mid-air freeze frame as he shouts "Bitch!" at her.

As usual, Sammo is charming, and his usual surprisingly mobile self.  Apparently the young Yeun Biao was inside one of the corpses, but the makeup was so heavy I have no idea which.  Also, they must have used really good film stock on these late 70s Hong Kong films, because as with the other early Sammo and Jackie Chan films, the films look gorgeous and the colors really pop. 

Redcurrant-Raspberry Jelly

 Jami's favorite so far, but I'm not a huge fan of jellies (which are not the same as jams or preserves).  It just slides off the toast like a slug.

 

Pineapple-Rum-Vanilla

I can't say "Rum" without thinking of the way Mary Poppins says "Rum punch".  But anyway, this one gets two thumbs up from me - best one yet!

 As you can see, we're still experiencing Old Fashioned December weather:

 So much for "Global Warming" amirite?

Film review: Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953)

How have we not seen this before?  I recall seeing a bunch of Marilyn movies (Bus Stop, Some Like it Hot et al.) in a festival on BBC back in the 80s, but must have missed this one.  It manages both to trade on the "dumb blonde" stereotype and subvert it, and it's a more extreme contrast of Marilyn's rather stilted delivery alongside perfect comic timing than SLiH.  It was also a bit of a shock seeing Jane Russell all glammed up, because I only know her from her machine-gun-patter reporter in His Girl Friday.  That one, like this, was also Howard Hawks, and apparently he discovered her when she was just a dancer (she does a fair bit of hoofing in this, although I have to say she's a big lass, not a willowy little prancer) and gave her her first contract.  What's particularly appealing about this is that, while Russell's Dorothy (Marilyn says "Dawthy") Shaw is the brains of the outfit, they are equal partners and fast friends (at no point is one even slightly mad at the other, and there's none of the infuriating "misunderstandings" plot points that drive me bananas, where everything would be solved if they would just talk to each other), and Dorothy, while having completely different values from Marilyn's Lorelei Lee, will not stand for anyone criticizing her friend, and knows that there's a cunning, hard-headed, but also loyal and decent person lurking underneath the vapid exterior.  (At the end of the movie, when the father of the millionaire whom Lorelei has ensnared, and who (the father) has been trying to drive a wedge between them, accuses her of just being after his son's money, she gives a speech that knocks him over:

Esmond Sr.: Have you got the nerve to tell me you don't want to marry my son for his money?
Lorelei: It's true.
Esmond Sr.: Then what do you want to marry him for?
Lorelei: I want to marry him for YOUR money.

Also:

 

Lorelei: Don't you know that a man being rich is like a girl being pretty? You wouldn't marry a girl just because she's pretty, but my goodness, doesn't it help?  

 

Also: 

 

Esmond Sr.: Say, they told me you were stupid! You don't sound stupid to me!
Lorelei: I can be smart when it's important. But most men don't like it.

 

In fact, the whole thing is just one great one-liner after another - see? 

The actual plot is fairly flimsy: our girls go on a voyage to France, Lorelei leaving her beau Gus Esmond behind. Also onboard are the US Olympic team (of primary interest to Dorothy, who sings a song about it) and several millionaires, and in particular, Sir Francis Beekman (who insists on being called "Piggy," which Lorelei obliges him with in a laugh-out-loud moment as they're dancing). Piggy is the great Charles Coburn, adding greatly to the enjoyment of the production.  Dorothy meets Piggy first and, on finding out he owns a diamond mine, cautions him not to mention it to Lorelei, but of course she hears the word "Diamond" and all is lost.  Turns out Piggy's wife, Lady Beekman is also on board, and she shows Lorelei her diamond tiara, with which Lorelei is instantly entranced (especially after it's explained to her that you don't wear it round your neck).  However, her and Piggy flirting shamelessly (and harmlessly) is being captured by a detective hired by Esmond Sr.  (Piggy showing Lorelei how an anaconda throttles a goat looks particularly incriminating in a photo taken through a cabin window.)  The detective (Ernie Malone - played by the rather anonymous Elliot Reid) sweet talks Dorothy, initially to get dirt on Lorelei, but eventually (of course) because he's fallen for her.  However Dorothy gets wise to him when she spots him taking the photo.  She and Lorelei then have to contrive to retrieve the film, at first by Dorothy distracting him while Lorelei searches his cabin, which leads to the most inspired comedy bit of the film when Lorelei gets locked in and then stuck getting out the window and has to seek help from a millionaire she tried to fix Dorothy up with, but who turned out to be a little boy.  Piggy comes along while she's still stuck and he hides behind a rug that conceals that she's poking out a porthole and he ends up kissing the boy's hand unknowingly.  Marilyn should've worked with kids more - they're really good together.

 

Anyway, they eventually get the film and think everything's okay, not knowing that he also bugged their cabin.  This means that when they get to Paris and go on a shopping spree, thinking that it will be covered by Gus's letter of credit, but finding that not only do they have to return all their shopping, they're kicked out of their hotel.  Cut to a good while later, and they're a smash hit doing their act, when Gus comes over expecting Lorelei to apologize.  However, she expects him to, and then it's a race to the finish (a double wedding) with a memorable scene of Dorothy impersonating Lorelei in a French court (Russell looks rather alarming blonde, but does a good vocal Marilyn impression) and Malone not ratting her out because he loves her.

 

Verdict: some inspired "bits," some great dialogue, wonderful performances from the three leads (I count Piggy as one), less so by the younger men (although the decidedly mature-looking Olympic team members do fine work being beefy). I only mark it down because the musical scenes do rather drag (however amusingly choreographed, and, in the case of Marilyn's "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" routine, iconic and oft-imitated) and destroy the momentum of the story.  Makes you appreciate the perfection of Some Like It Hot all-the-more.  A glossy bauble of deceptive sophistication.